We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is part we choose to act on . That's who we really are
I guess you could call me broken,
says one. I’m still lonely, says another,
but now I can name it with a song.
In my poem, says another,
I can forget I am forgotten. Now
I understand being misunderstood,
says another. And another says,
in a bold, undeniable voice of power,
I won’t step down from myself again.
And they are beautiful, beautiful,
standing one by one at the mic
where they have come forth at last
from behind the curtain.
This morning when im ready for my yoga class, suddenly i got message for cancellation of class and i feel like this feeling is of different level of getting cancellation message for class specially when you are fully ready to go. Like when i was kid and school teacher mentioned
for holiday because of some specific reason , is something different . This feeling of extra holiday is like blessing and i enjoyed it today as well. So why not to use this for my specific routine of writing and more like spending time with me.
Though I’m sitting with my mom and dad everything as usual like always, enjoying tea then some regular discussion but my mind is struggling with number of thoughts specially that last conversation which i had with my brother . That was very casual conversation but i take it too much serious , as he thinks that I’m taking burden by my own of family responsibility , and there is no such existence of responsibilities and he definitely follow up for his duty but that with some time. But i feel like , am i the one who is literally making situation to be difficult .
May be its true somewhere , because destiny blessed me with more love than my sibling , as im staying with family and working form home , living dream life , enjoying best time of my life. Like who in this world got the chance to stay at home always , and who is the one who got always support from mom and dad always. But does this good always or may be some time you start to feel prisoned with your own boundary. Its not that , i am against this whole thing but some time i need space , the me time.
Im type of person who wakes up early in morning , follow yoga routine and than prayers with mom and dad, and do all those things which make my mom and dad happy. Most probably i always try to stay happy and talkative with family but some time i too wish to stay alone , walks alone , being quiet for some moment and wants to do rebellious and stupid activity . But those all would definitely not like by parents and make them feel like im not too good child. But what can you do with your heart , which is always in battle with your mind.
From last of some time i feel like that there is something missing in life but i never know what it is. But yesterday i realize that fun moment is never there in my life. Because when you start to act as elder with special benchmark of be in line format , you will forgot yourself too. But definitely random person and specially same age person company is make you feel wow, who can let you feel special and let you forget all your regular problems for some time.
When i decided to be part of that night out plan, i was not sure that i would be able to continue for long and my expectation for staying there was only for max to max mid night , but i was wrong. Because beginning was too adventurous for me, because i the one who drive by herself to there at destination. This is no doubt a big start for me because driving by own is good and specially when there is one person sitting behind you. Finally with gps and best buddy support , because only she can have courage to sit behind me.
Than something was very normal , like me the introvert person , who speak less. Just after greeting with other friend i become same , the person who is lost in crowd . I can follow my regular routine of staying quiet and than staying away from photos , not eating anything habit and than finally being boring person as usual. But i did not plan anything , it just happen.
At last all friends arrived and we are having bit chit chat, and raining outside and mild music , everything is good. Then time arrives for dinner and i was thinking , why ?
But i can stayed up like as always , my fake laugh and mind with full of thoughts about past and future , and those two are making my present nothing but worst and im helpless because now i become used to this all. When all are cracking jokes by remembering memories about last some dinner nights, and me the one with complete fake smile , as i never taste anything at any place.
That time i realize , how this whole night will pass . How i will got power to stayed up all night with pretending to be mingle with all though my mind is somewhere else. But one thing is true that i was in love with that place. If i would be single person on that place i would definitely can stay up there long time. I don’t know what i would do but my preference is for yes.
we were all sitting at common enjoyining room which is on terrace place and some other groups too were there, but for me my own group is too like strangers. There was birthday celebration of random girl, all sung birthday song for her and i dont know why i cant be part of that. I was quiet and dont even make effort to wish and greet her. But rest other all were not even wished her, but not take a minute to become friend of her and i the one who even cant be friend of someone after years and years.
Just after cake cutting ceremony all start dancing with loud music, and those all person so extrovert that they were so comfortable to dance with strangers. But in that hostel too rules are there. Just after particular time period you cant play loud music, so dance was definitely not possible. So when one person from our group was requested to sing , then that night becomes music show . Just with some random singing by every individual , and that was the first time after a big leap in my life , when i sing and i cant believe that i was the one who got compliment from every individual . Everyone there mentioned me that i should make approach in music field too.
But that was not my zone, because i dont like crowd .I easily accepted that fact because within same time frame i understand that ,though i have talent of showing unique from crowd but my inner soul is always similar and that happened too. In morning around 5 when i was standing alone in gallery because i cant sleep at unknown place. Thinking about something and suddenly when my friend knock me behind my back, i cant explain how i stop my tears from rolling down my face.
Autumn 