The Courage to be Disliked

 This book makes you think about life from a completely different perspective. Written in a Socratic dialogues, it is easy to understand and feels like you are listening to an insightful conversation.

The Courage to be Disliked made me ponder about life and what it means. I wanted to share with you my The Courage to be Disliked Book Review. Perhaps this book will resonate with you!

Timing is Everything

I was going to the bookstore to get my friend a birthday present. As I was making my way to the check out line, I saw a bookshelf of ‘top 5 books to read this month’ and The Courage to be Disliked was sitting there.

I picked it up, turned it around, and read the back of it. ’hmm…’ I thought. ‘Perhaps I should give it shot.’

2 days later, on a Saturday, I picked up the book and began to read it. I was about 30 pages in when I realized that this might be the greatest book I have ever read.

I continued to sit in the same spot on the couch for the next 5 hours until I read it cover to cover. It’s crazy to think that just a year ago, I had deleted the book because it didn’t resonate with me. Now, I couldn’t imagine not reading it.

I believe that I wasn’t in a place at that time where I needed to hear all of these things. I wasn’t ready, you could say. However, when I finally did read it — it was EXACTLY what I had needed at that moment in time.

Written in a Socratic Dialogue

The book is written in a Socratic dialogue: it means that the style is in the form of an argument — using the question and answer method employed by Socrates.

I can’t even tell you how much I loved this style. It truly made me feel like I was observing a conversation between 2 people and it made me understand the information that much better.

Since I’ve never read a book in this style of writing, my first try reading this book felt confusing. However, after reading a whole book in this style, I now absolutely love the Socratic dialogue!

It makes it easier to understand the information and allows room to shift between the two individual perspectives.

The Youth and the Professor

There are 2 main characters in the book: the Youth and the Professor. The Youth approaches the Professor in hopes of discovering happiness and satisfaction in life. He asks the Professor a series of questions about fulfillment, changing yourself and your life, and happiness.

It’s pretty funny because the Youth challenges the Professor and disagrees with practically every single thing that the Professor says. It made me laugh a few times because it made me think of all the people who could easily put themselves in the shoes of the Youth.

I’ve read a lot of personal growth books in my life, and since I’m a life coach — all the things that the Professor talks about resonate with me completely and there’s a lot of truth and wisdom in his words.

However, I know a lot of people who reminded me of the Youth — argumentative, stuck in their old habitual thoughts and wanting to challenge new information.

So whether you’re someone who’s open-minded and have read a lot of personal growth, spirituality, and self-help books, or you’re someone who’s pretty cynical and closed-minded — I promise you that this book will definitely have something in store for you.

Freedom is Being Disliked by Other People

Philosopher: In short, freedom is being disliked by other people.

Youth: Huh? What was that?

Philosopher: It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.

Youth: But, but…

Philosopher: It is certainly distressful to be disliked. If possible, one would like to live without being disliked by anyone. One wants to satisfy one’s desire for recognition. But conducting oneself in such a way as to not be disliked by anyone is an extremely unfree way of living, and is also impossible. There is a cost incurred when one wants to exercise one’s freedom. And the cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships is that one is disliked by other people

Oh Damn…

I wanted to share this particular part of the book from page 144 because it blew my mind.

I had never thought of being disliked by other people as me exercising my freedom and living by my own values. This created a complete shift in my mind about doing what I want and not caring about what people think.

More importantly, understanding that being disliked is actually a good thing.

If you were trying to please everyone — you wouldn’t be standing up for something. You wouldn’t be committed to something that is important to you, and you wouldn’t be fulfilling your heart’s desire. When someone dislikes you, it’s a sign that you’re being and living in a way that is true to you.

Kind note: this doesn’t mean that you should be rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful to others.

That’s not what we’re talking about! We’re talking about following passions that are important to you, having a lifestyle that is meaningful to you, and doing whatever it is that you want to do. Don’t be an a** to other people. That’s not cool.

The Courage to be Disliked Book Review Rating

I rate this book a 10/10 without a shadow of a doubt. I loved it and I shared it with so many people and they loved it just as much as I did.

I want to re-read it once again and do it at a slower pace. Taking in every single page and giving myself some time to ponder & wonder. I truly cannot recommend this book enough!

Thirtysomething crisis

 Sorry, what? You’re 30 years old and you haven’t changed the world yet? Relax, you still have (at least) 20 more years to get that Rolex on your wrist and prove your success. Our thirties are often when we first call our career choices into question, and when we experience the disappointment that can arise from that. This is often when we take stock of our lives: What have I accomplished? Am I the person I thought I would be? Where has my career taken me? These questions are natural and can, unfortunately, be the root of the infamous “thirtysomething crisis,” the impression that you have failed in your professional life if you have not yet obtained a managerial position, founded a thriving start-up, or indeed, changed the world.

Thirty: The transition between innocence and wisdom

Are you no longer motivated? Do you feel like you’ve made all the wrong choices? Do you avoid talking about work with people you think are more successful than you? Then you’re undoubtedly experiencing your thirtysomething crisis, a phenomenon that has been around for a while now. 

For young graduates, entering the workplace can bring immediate and varied sources of satisfaction, such as being invited to a get-together after work for the first time, getting the printer to work straight away, being responsible for chairing a meeting, or the holy grail—being complimented on your excellent slides. When people hit their thirties, they become more demanding and have a much narrower definition of success. “They’re all thinking very directly about the kind of professional niche they want and what kind of success that may hold for them,” explains G. Richard Shell in his book Springboard: Launching Your Personal Search for Success. This assessment is difficult and often painful. Luckily, perspective and experience allow fiftysomethings to adopt a wider, more-nuanced definition. “Executives who are further along in their careers are more attentive to their families, to the work-life balance, and even to the types of mentoring they can provide for younger people, guiding their careers and helping them make choices that make sense for them,” continues Shell. So why are we so hard on ourselves when we reach our thirties?

Making comparisons

Humans are social creatures and, like all mammals, we have developed hierarchies, levels of power, and social statuses. We like to measure, evaluate, and compare our position in a group, and (too) many of us worry about what others think, to the point of denigrating ourselves.

Social media’s biased frames of reference

Social media exacerbates comparison, longing, and the feeling of failure. Seeing what others are up to can cause you to set yourself unrealistic goals, with the result that your self-esteem takes a nosedive when you realize you’re not going to achieve them. In reality, though, who openly talks about bad days, making mistakes, or the daily pressures of their working life? It’s not exactly a case of #nofilter.

‘Success stories’ and skewed information

Tales of great entrepreneurs, businesspeople, and philanthropists who went from nothing to the top are legion. But the media hype around success stories overlooks the difficulties and failures that the majority of people face and makes us believe that these incredible accounts are the norm.

Your family environment

Close family members have a huge influence on what we consider success to be. As we grow up, we absorb the expectations that are impressed upon us by those around us. I was lucky never to have family pressure, and I can see the difference in terms of how relaxed I feel compared with my friends who come from better-off families. Many have set goals that are much more ambitious than mine. But in the long run, I think I’m happier than they are.”

It’s a shame to set others’ goals as your own, especially since several studies, show that the pursuit of money, material possessions, and social status creates a lot of stress, less-genuine relationships, and a lower sense of wellbeing. Here are a few tips for finding satisfaction with your career path.

Have insight on how you judge things

When your spirits are low, it’s easy to minimize your successes and not be able to appreciate them. If you think it would help, why not ask someone close to you to give you an honest assessment of your accomplishments?

Stop comparing yourself

The impression that you have not achieved anything at such a young age is directly linked to your self-esteem.  “Maybe the problem isn’t your position on the list of successful people, but the list itself.” The key to confidence is to stop comparing yourself with others. “Building good-hearted feelings towards others is good for the soul,” 

. “This helps get rid of feelings of insecurity and fear and gives the strength needed to take on obstacles. That is the true source of success in life.”

Don’t be so hard on yourself

“You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want (…) You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough.”

Your thirties is a good time to take stock and focus better on your own goals by letting go of the influence others have on you. These are the years when things are much clearer, and possibilities are still abundant. Keep in mind that not all successes are covered in gold. For that matter, younger generations are increasingly moving away from what has long been considered the only model of success—managerial position, high salary, and so on—toward professions and objectives that are more in tune with wellness and personal growth, or “follow-your-heart” jobs that provide less money and are less valued socially but give meaning to daily life.