You can wait forever: Friday thoughts

 You can fight with everything you have. You can hold on for as long as you can. You can force yourself into mental gymnastics to pick apart signs. You can have your friends read into texts and emails. You can decide that you know what’s best for you and right for you. Mostly, you can wait.

You can wait forever.

What isn’t right for you will never remain in your life.

There is no job, person, or city that you can force to be right for you if it is not, though you can pretend for a while. You can play games with yourself, you can justify and make ultimatums. You can say you’ll try just a little longer, and you can make excuses for why things aren’t working out right now.

The truth is that what is right for you will come to you and stay with you and won’t stray from you for long. The truth is that when something is right for you, it brings you clarity, and when something is wrong for you, it brings you confusion.

You get stuck when you try to make something that’s wrong for you right. When you try to force it into a place in your life in which it doesn’t belong. You get split; you breed this internal conflict which you cannot resolve. The more it intensifies, the more you mistake it for passion. How could you ever feel so strongly about something that isn’t right?

Your Breath

You made me feel human again.
Your touch, your laughter, your
breath, everything showed me what
it is like to be a person:
a living. breathing person.
You came into my life at a time
when I thought everything was
against me, everything would kill
me. You showed me everything I had
to live and fight for.
In that short period I called you
mine. You made me feel like there
were galaxies in my veins and like
the stars made their home in my
eyes.
I’ll forever be grateful to the
universe for bringing you to me.
and at the same time I’ll never
forgive it for taking you away.

do you have the time?

i think you can tell a lot about a person

by the way they talk about time.

if time is something linear or cyclical.

if they talk about their life as though

it goes through seasons the way nature does

or if it is something ever growing,

always moving forward.

if they talk about failure as though

it is several steps back on their timeline

or simply a change of course.

if they describe the day according to

the clock or to the sky.

was it 5am or dawn?

8pm or twilight?

i love to notice whether they speak as though

the hours ahead are on opportunity

or if they are an order.

i love to wonder,

is time something that carries them

or something they are carrying?

i don’t really know what to do

with this knowledge.

i just like having it.

i just like the thought that i can tell

something

other than the time.

“I’m Still A Person”

I’m still a person.

I have a soul.

But people forget that

Their words are cold.

I block out their attacks.

Everyday, I do.

Sometimes I can avoid them.

And I hope I can too.

Other days, it’s not enough.

I just want to get rid of this pain.

And it frightens me when

I think a sharpen blade

Is the way.

It feels fuzzy, and nice

While tears escape.

It give me relief.

And I go do it every day.

I know I worry others.

Or maybe just my parents.

They want to help fix it all.

But can i truly mend all this?

I forgot how this happened,

To tell you the truth.

Whether I called bad on someone,

Or somebody did an evil bloop.

But of course, I can try and forgive them.

I just want to know why.

Why was was it me?

Why all of the lies?

All I can do now

Is try not to give in.

Even if I really want to.

This is sink or swim.

And if anyone is out there.

Who knows I’m here.

Please, get help.

I didn’t do anything!

And I don’t wanna die!

I swear!