Convince your heart

I tried very hard every time to convince my heart , that dude lets wait for some more time. Everything will be alright. Everything will turned out exactly the way you always wants it to be. But it won’t last for long time .  Reality just appear like mirror replica and start to tarnish in pieces again . Like every time , when I convinced for something and end up to broken again.

    I don’t know , its only me or every person in my surrounding or may be who on far distance, whom i never seen or met .Facing same trauma of making and falling again and again. But somehow now i convinced my stupid heart and little mind , that let’s accept the fact. 

   Fact,  that some people born with this kind of destiny, where you spend whole of your life behind a dream or to make reality of a picture which you have draw in your mind earlier, but you failed every time. And now day by day this pain is getting deeper that if you won’t stop now then it would be really difficult for you to gain your confidence and to survive in this fake world.

I always thought that aloneness would be not that bad , as every one depict it to be. And see , I was always correct because aloneness of world is not a problem, but aloneness, the one which born inside you , is never ever good for you. It takes you where no one can heal you, not even your own courage and effort.

last night i was watching a drama , something like “A date with future “and in particular episode a girl was targeted by her own friends. The girl , who was widow and pass the age number around thirty, so her friend circle when they meet, told her to settle with a person who is divorcee and had a kid too. Those friend circle specially mentioned that she should not put her expectation high, as now at this age she would never get anyone like loving and caring person. So at this age you have to adjust.

This scene just pop up some old scenes in my head , that i have heard this line earlier and that too many times. Even many time from my own blood relatives. According to them ,Its all my mistake that i never thought about it . So my only option to accept anything rather then asking for any choices.

Even one of my very closed relative mentioned me that now i wont get a boy in my life but i should be ready for aged person , because its all my mistakes. Now i wont get any option for selecting someone but left out with choice that whoever comes in my life , whoever say yes to me, i have to just go with that without showing any ideals. 

  And that’s how a phase of life changes . How time runs fast that I never realize .Now Im here where i have to convince my heart that start to accept everything what is left out for you. A time where you must learn, to burn out all your expectation and choice. and the most funny thing is that i never had any expectation .

Alone one company

 Life is full of surprises , like who can say that i can skip birthday of my special one , mine baby niece. I love her so much , always prefer to get some time for her, even if i totally busy. This year on sixth December she is turning five and im not attending  birthday party and even its not like that i am busy or i have to complete some specific urgent task. I staying at my home,  It just i prefer to stay at home.  

    I love her so much that on last of her four birthdays i planned special things from my end. even if i was lagging at time or running out at money. And just like other years i planned for this year too but i couldn’t make it possible. As earlier years I already purchase gift for her , which she already collected . we are so connected that as soon as she come to know that i had bought something for her, the very same day she came at my place took all those gift. Actually i love her this attitude , that obvious she can rule my heart, after all she is the only one.

     But with  this all affection and  special love bond, im not attending her birthday party, may be she miss me or may be she will not. How its possible , because she would be busy in dancing, eating , enjoying and specially opening her all gift boxes , and specially she  just turn five today , so definitely she cant be able to realize that im not present there. 

    But with this passing time you should get habitual that you will not be always important in someone life, it would be for very short time. Because with the time everyone is changing and there preferences too. And its definitely not for others , im also changing . I still cant even realize , that today i take this decision to satay at home. where i have full opportunity to go out with mom and dad . So if I was with mom , now i would be  eating cake of birthday party or if i opted to go out with dad than i would be enjoying  delicious wedding dinner. But i denied both and opted my own company , The Alone one company .  

   But i think this option is best, because yes im making regret for cake and wedding sweet but at least for coming day i will continue with fresh mind with zero stress . Because last day i attended wedding event too, but neither i enjoyed that environment not the food, specially I had cold and fever last night because of these chilled winter.

   I am happy and that’s always matter to me.