Before you demand anything from others, learn to be honest with yourself. Have the courage to accept that you were the one killing all your dreams. So by this year end , i have decided to do what i like most, things which makes me happy.
So on this 2 December with full of courage i decided to took part in random party , which have something like open theater and after party along with one of my friend because individual would be not good choice. But as always it turned out completely different that what i thought.
Deep down you always know what’s best for you, you can sense when to leave a person or place because you are just being used, you realize when you did wrong and when you were wronged yet just stay in your comfort zone and keep things as they are, your brain will play tricks on you. You will make great excuses to convince yourself not to start working, give a another chance.
Because nothing happened as i imagined like to meet new person, spend time in different environment , create new memories. Yes memories, i created but that too of non stop blaming game that why it turned out this way with me.
My friend had some work that day , so we have been late at there around nine something and the first thing we encounter was nothing but a completely different zone. weird thoughts of being alien at there. Like we are thirties and seeing twenties kids there.
But we acted like , nothing matters to us. We were just here to enjoy so keep going. But the first game they invited us to take part “truth & dare”. With bit of hesitation and by silent consent to each other we just go with the flow. But just after a moment we become speechless.
There “truth task” includes relationship question and “dare” is to propose someone. And i opted is to “RUN”.
Other activity was there is of open theater . So i sighed and thought now everything would be on track. The selected movie is Rockstar . My friend is not okay with this, as she have already watched it many times. She told me that its 2012 movie and thanks to my decision at last in year 2023 im watching it finally. Let me tell you that im not a movie person but at that time it was still okay for me. though i watched only half part.
My main focus was to be there and to meet new people, but here also i disappointed my self and could not make effort to communicate even to person. There was a person who just sitting next to me on same bench but i cant make any effort. And the whole movie ended like this.
Stand tall against the lies your brain might want to throw at you. You will meet enough people in your life who will say one thing but their actions won’t match. You will meet a lot of people who are going to lie you. While you cannot control how others treat you, you can learn to be honest with yourself.
Then at last i thought food would be good , but here they disappointed me .
Dance , my whole survival is because of dance, so i thought this is point where i can feel proud about myself. at least with this activity i can enjoy and for sometime can forget everything what is going on in my life at present . The one activity which can help you heal your inner pressurize person. But with great disappointment i have to say that my friend dont like to dance, so i couldn’t .
So with full of courage at one thirty of night we decided to get back to our home. That last no made me so powerful that i dont care we were girls and with taking risk with google direction decided to leave place at this darkest hours of night .
When we left the place everything was good and with attitude of bold females ever. But soon after we stared driving our whole thoughts get change. Because the road was totally dark and no one was there. and my friend was kept saying that she is scared and asking me how im feeling. But at that time i acted strong and says that whatever would be scene but will keep going , rather than my inner self was so scared and praying to GOD .
Than after effort of half n hour approx. we find main road to city but again with good luck , it started raining heavily. But we were not in any situation to stop anywhere because of risk and time. So we decided to look for hotel , so in December month we can save ourselves.
We are girls who never booked hotel in day time but circumstances turned out where we have to find hotel at this hours. Finally we find one hotel , but let me that scene was too memorable because when we reached hotel , even staff was sleeping . So when we knock them they all were glaring us like we had committed any crime.
Not even they but my inner soul was also in shock that what i have done. But soon after when we enter in our room i get relaxed because that’s how i am always . Completely messy n confused.
There was tornado of thoughts, that why i have done this all. Can’t i be more practical to face the situation rather than running away from there. How would explain to mom and dad or its better to hide this all from them. But it wouldn’t be a good choice because they trust me a lot. How would i erase this all from mind . Because this is something which i should not done. This kind risk could end me in bad situation .
I completely trying to get relaxed at the moment but mind was against that . It kept me busy with different thoughts without any break just one after another.
We are always busy like this. One task after another. One thought after another. One visual after another. The cycle never ends. We never take a pause to reflect on who we are becoming, what we are losing, what we are thinking, or what our thought process is. When you are just taking outside information without thinking about what you are consuming, you end up doing , thinking and becoming like surroundings . And then you complain about why you are like this.
Autumn 