almost 14 years have been passed , and every single day i feel like it was just yesterday when we have telephonic conversation and you teach me the way to prepare poha for lunch. Let me tell you im still very bad at cooking and its all your fault , you never allow me to cook than how i can be like you . The perfectionist , and in every field.
But truly i miss you a lot , and my whole day passed like this when my inner is in full conversation with you . I am not aware about others, but i never find any new specific turning point which could allow me to forget you. Though we do not any specific memory for your birthday celebration, but these are some days which i cant forget till my life. April is your birthday month, every time when a new year start, i can count on fingers that what i have to do special in individual months, march for brother, June for younger sis , July for dad and this 17th April is all yours.
Happy Birthday Dear! im sending you this wishes that wherever you are , please stay happy, keeps on doing great things.
When you were with me, i never realized that one day i had to be spent like this. The day i lost you to till today i cant stop myself to find my mistakes, that why i was not with you at that time and why i was so helpless to stop this tragedy to be happen. But as saying, you cant control destiny.
Last night when i was walking , everything just pop up in mind just like flashback. Our all moments…
Moments when we played together , laugh together special fights.
Moments that how you were good at everything…like i never admit but you were a perfect person. Today when im of thirty plus , i am unable to manage everything, like you did in your twenties. But at that time i never appreciate you and to your support. I took everything so granted that today my whole life becomes a regret.
I miss you a lot and wishes for your wellbeing….
Now i changed a lot….
My appearance….i totally resemble you my left potrait exactly like you. People from family and relatives mentioned number of time. That i look just like you. But only different is that im bit heavier and short than you…yeah yeah i know you were like model personality good height and properly maintain. And you know why im not like you because i never made any effort to do so…as i am waiting for that some day i will hear your voice calling me…”motto”
I really miss your voice and specially those moments when you shout once at me and later on without any second start to correct it .
This lines pop up the scene of mine past time math sum mistake. You did my homework and i copied it , that too completely upside down and my math teacher find out easily. But i am born lucky , because he did not say anything but also teach me the way to do sum. Because he knows you, the elder person in my own school.
I still miss your that blue saree look, you know i try to recreate that look but i failed. Because no one can be perfect like you. You were beautiful and you will be always my only beautiful saree person, no one can be like you.
Not even physical appearance but emotionally also , i started to become like you. Now i wont expect anyone to help me trying to be completely independent. Rather than i just do my side task and forget about it. Things are still out of control , but i worry less about making them in perfect way. I just do it , without waiting for judgement and opinions of other.
My first book gift was from you and now in this april month i made my first book purchase.
Im reading a book these day …just purchased it for my own wellbeing…and it has one line ” dont waste your time on small things , rather than keep on moving. If you wont make it right, at least you will learn something in new and might be in future you can something better and different with this experience .”
Just like you , i started to avoid any kind of gathering , specially the known one. Actually way of thinking changed on such level , it does not match with anyone. I am not looking anyone to get married and settle because i think im doing great at this time. Moreover im still counted as expert in creating mess of life. And now no one is there who can clear mess, unlike earlier. So let’s leave it.
I miss you , every time when we prepare tea at 4:00 in afternoon. It feel like you could be here any moment and we will have it together with full of gossips and laughter therapy.
Every single day i planned to do something different in life which can make my life healthier but at the end of the idea burst out just like any regulars soap bubble. This is third time in year when i purchase gym membership but you know me, i have number of excuse to run away from this.
Hey…why can’t i start my own gym, so there i can be punctual else it will be always a dream for me. I feel awkward in crowded place. I keeps on murmuring that how can people be like this level fitness conscious. I can’t even workout for ten minutes.
Just like those earlier days when i can run to you, say anything , share anything. I waiting again for same time. The whole day pass, but i cant say and share to anyone that its your b’day . If you were be here , we can at least spent time together. Even i can plan small party or gathering too. Now your small “motto” earns good salary now. No so much good but figure of amount is that much , where i do shopping thrice in month.
Anyway let me tell you , to be fit like you. I purchased online a watch for me, which can help me to stay fit. At least i hope so, i don’t know for how long duration this will work for me.
If you were be here , i definitely brought it for you…but no worry , i know you are seeing me from there….
Not only i miss you every time, but look for you and your strong support in every single moment, when you had raise your voice for me. I remind those days when your presence make my every scary moment to strongest one.
Autumn 