Life is too unfair sometime, the person who named as “Basanti” of group now left unspoken with words. Though I pronounced as person who can speak nonstop, but internally I know that I am introvert kind of person who can do chatter batter but only with very close person. But now the time arrive when my lines are broken even with family member too. May be its fault of your adult age where you are no longer a person , whom with you are familure from long time.
Today I watched again harry potter movie scene where it termed as harry is no longer kid now and that sign come up with death of his owl pet. I never owned any pet , but I too start to feel like my inner kid is also no longer with me and now I am complete mature person now. The age when you start to worry about your future as well as for earlier passed time. This maturity is start killing you inside , when you are growing too, but you are worried because your parent are getting older. You are stressed because might be you are drowned in thought of non achievement of parent dreams .
I don’t know that it happened with every person , or it just me who is too much anxious. Some time I thought that beginning was never right or too wrong but what could be possible now. After passing of grandfather I realiaze that I am no longer child now and with every passing day, distance between what I dreamt earlier and whats happening around is, increasing .
Last night everything was damn perfect , Night out with siblings where you have perfect outdoor planning Sizzling food, cool pool , mild music , green grass deam lighting and no hassle of hectic city life schedule. But if you are still missing something from inside then nothing can be done for you. I was the first person who is eagerly waiting for this kind of outing and even convinced some of them but again it can be me who could be party spoiler. But mature me know how to pretend to be happy and enjoying, so I don’t show anyone that I am just acting for everything.
Now im really scared that I can harm myself with excess thought or may be Im thinking right way as at this age you need someone who can support you with your weakness and it can be like by right person entry your weakness just become your perfection. My mind always denied with what my heart need , actually at every single moment im witnessing battle between mind and heart and till this time mind is winner with full support. But this year 2021 witness something new that mind is winner but heart is no longer at failure.
This 2021 is life changing year because I come up with so many new chapter which were lying inside me and don’t even i realized. The chapter of “ what I want “ and “ what will make me happy from inside” and I hope one day I would be able to make myself truly happy soul not pretending to be happy and out of all this , one is definitely this – Writing . you can write everything whats in your head , so this is only for me and its my time, my personal time.
Autumn 